Changing

There will be no picture, or in depth verse today. It has been a while from the last I has shared anything on here. I felt like I had to much to do and that no one was reading this blog anyways so I gave up. That is just my problem. It is in the giving up. I originally started my blog with a post about a pendulum. It was a good message, I am even shocked that I wrote something that well. Now I see that I am not only still on the pendulum, but I am the pendulum. I do change bits and pieces here and there, but in all, I am still totally out of control of my own life. Upon my most recent failure as a person, a failure to find out who I am and influence instead of influencing I learned something that I may have forsaken. Maybe life is not in the cleaning up and controlling, but it is in the surrendering and in the influences encountered daily. It is just possible that I am not meant to be in control. Not only is this thought freeing, and every hard to fully give in to, but it is also the most biblical thought I think I have written honestly and without reserve about in a while. I give up. I am not learned in finances, nor am I a leader of "talented" people. And no, I am not sure how tomorrow will go, or if tomorrow even exists. I give up. I am tired of trying and failing. Really. I am done. I am just tired. I want what God has. I want my passion for life back. I want to have a relationship with music again. I want what I have been trying to be, but this time I am letting it take me instead of me taking it. Pray for me if you decide to read this. I am just finished with life as I know it.